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Passion, and Future Pacing Part of the Process
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To maximize your enjoyment of any process or task, such as entering the strange world of internet dating sites, you have to strike a balance between two things. That balance, however, can and should be unequal. Most of your time should be spent in the ritual mode. The spontaneity mode is the flip side and should be used to spice the process. It should not become an end unto itself. Ritualization means turning a series of steps or actions into a routine or habit. It is necessary to do so in order to expedite the completion of ordinary tasks. We are talking about the mechanics, not the creative part. The mundane tasks that are necessary to become part of the vast network. Things like joining a number of sites, posting your profile, sending an introductory email. Tracking your progress. We are not referring to the creativity that goes into writing the essays initially while preparing your profile. Nor is this intended to prevent you from doing something different. Although none are sacrosanct or immune to change, you have already developed rituals for waking up and getting ready for each day, and for going to sleep, and for driving a car, or dancing, or cleaning your pad, and so on. To save time and cut more quickly to the chase, it is a good idea to ritualize the mechanics of internet dating site activity as well. You need not worry that your creativity will be tossed aside when you ritualize a task. Rather, it will be enhanced because it will permit you to concentrate your attention on the important things while many times putting the unimportant on automatic. You will find that ritualization gives you more time for that. The down side of ritualization is the tendency to keep doing the same things the same way without ever determining if it is the best way. That is why it is so important to do two things every so often. First, examine your internet dating activities to determine if ritualizing certain things would be a benefit. If so, then start repeating the task every time in the same way until it automates and you find yourself doing it almost without thinking. Second, examine some of the rituals you have been using for a long time to see how they can be improved by doing them in a different order or way. It is a natural tendency to resist changing the status quo. But you cannot refuse to accept technological improvements simply because it would involve going through a learning process. The fact is that few dating sites look the same today that they did a few years back and almost all of them have leaped at new methods of matching and new ideas other sites have worked out or adopted. There is a lot of competition and they realize that standing still means sliding back. Remember also that you have to inject spontaneity into the process. When you are excited and passionate about something, a kickup in vibratory energy is inevitable. Your productivity and effectiveness increase. And your results improve. So are you still at a fever pitch when engaging in the process of finding, meeting, and greeting new men or women? Do you still find yourself looking forward to the challenges? What progress have you made in using metaprograms as an analysis tool? Are you using the strategy elicitation tactics detailed in another article? After the initial magic of anything dissipates, most people unintentionally let subsequent events deteriorate into routine, resistance, and boredom. You must not and cannot let such a slide continue. What you do can definitely affect the rest of your life. Take steps to reverse any slippage. Perhaps the original fervor cannot be duplicated, but that does not mean that passion and excitement cannot be recaptured to a large extent. How is that done? It is as simple as deciding that it is much more enjoyable with those positive elements present than without, then taking steps to produce them. One old standby that is very effective is to think and act as if you were excited and passionate, then to do something slightly different or in a different way. This, in turn, usually brings on the natural enthusiasm that had been there before. Another ploy is to speed up your moves while at the same time exclaiming one or two word internal spurs. “Yes! Yes! Yes!” or “Great!” or “Passion!” or “Excited!”. You name it. Any word or phrase uttered loud if you are alone and silently if others are present, rapidly and repetitively will kick it up a notch. What actually happens when movement is combined with internal dialogue is the formation of an internal anchor that automates the result. Excitement and passion from within translate to effective performance on the outside. Change your internal recordings as well. Baroque music may soothe the savage soul, but martial sounds provide wakeup calls and faster movements. Many people find themselves internally humming or singing the same song over and over again throughout the day, until replaced by another tune, when the process is repeated. It makes more sense to consciously choose your internal music program. Mental voiceovers can be very effective as well. This involves an internal narrator describing what is being done as if it were overtime at a superbowl game. Your inner narrator speaks in animated fashion, voice filled with passion and excitement. One of the founders of Relationship Psychology claims that the more outrageous you make the descriptions the more effective they will be. Everyone has to get to know themselves better. What excites you? What produces passion? Whatever turns you on is a secret that need not be shared with anyone. You can lead a very full internal life that translates to effective external action. There should be no limitations except those that have been self-imposed. Perhaps the time has come to disengage from what has been holding you back and replace them with more “can do” thoughts and pictures. It also helps to fish in your reservoir of past experiences and hook those that parallel the results you want. Examine them, reproduce the positive states, the passions, the excitement you had then and apply those feelings to what you are doing now. Another surefire way of raising your excitement level is to add a risk or danger factor, so long as it is one that you feel you can handle without adverse consequences. Mentally burn some bridges. Cut off your escape routes. Give yourself a handicap. Set a time limit. Personalize and customize by increasing the stakes in a manner that you can relate to. There are all sorts of things you can do once you know the states you want to produce. Anyone can become passionate and excited about activities he or she loves to do, but when it becomes necessary to reach that state for the ordinary tasks, difficulties arise. If you have trouble putting passion and excitement into a task, then put it into the outcome or result so that you are eager to be done in order to receive end-game pleasure or some reward. There are many people who sell their life short by creating a negative future image of themselves, or engage in negative future pacing (worry), expecting some magical transformation somewhere down the line that will enable them to emerge triumphant. Instead, the negative self-image or negative future pacing usually produces dismal results. It makes a lot more sense to buy into a compelling future first and then operate from a present that has something positive to look forward to. A world of opportunity opens up when you know how to construct a positive future. It can directly impact your health and wellbeing. And it can stamp success on internet dating site activity and on the type of people you want to meet. All it takes is the creation of a new resourceful image of yourself and then the placement of same on your future timeline. Metaphorically speaking, it is like a monorail speeding along your timeline, discharging the new 'you' at a station in the near future. The new 'you' has been constructed to maximize your capabilities and options. The 'how' of constructing an experience that has not yet manifested is covered in the Core Lore Manual. For now, spend a few minutes each day fleshing out something you would like to happen soon and visualize it doing so with all the fervor you can muster. About The Author: Home Page | Improve Any Relationship | Personal Improvement | Revive Being Alive | Relationship Manual | Core Lore Manual | |