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So it's not the same old story, as time goes by.
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A full relationship does not mean that it is cast in concrete. Change happens, and it overrides every interaction between the couple. There is a wonderful poem by Nan Terell Reed that poses the question that goes to the heart of the matter. Take the time to read it and then ponder your answer.
The poem is a metaphor for a full relationship. Our interpretation is that love is a two-splendored thing. One vase represents the ordinary rituals and interplay. The other vase stands for the romantic and/or spontaneous interludes which add zest and vitality and keep the relationship alive and vibrant. A full relationship requires the presence of both. If the relationship is a good one, neither vase will break. If it starts to deteriorate, both will be shattered. Every contact and every meeting is always an exercise in change. Every communication is a cause and effect situation that produces change. It is inevitable and cannot be avoided. It can only be controlled, by you if you want, or by someone or some thing else, if you forsake the opportunity. There is a difference between controlling change and being a controlling person. The last thing you want to do is try to dominate the other. There should be mutuality, both give and take, in every successful relationship. So recognize that change happens every time and all the time. Even when things seem to be standing still, changes are occurring, inwardly or outwardly. It is a rarity when a couple can maintain, day to day, the same excitement and passion as at the outset. That does not mean, though, that relations, sexual or otherwise, should be permitted to deteriorate into a tolerated ritual or a set time piece. The changes that result are all negative in such cases. Passion and excitement can and should be evidenced in multiple ways and through multiple activities. Not only the passage of time but also the intervention of problems related to friends, family, the workplace, or finances can and does diminish the total enjoyment that was present when love first blossomed. The attitudes and practices, the inhibitions, the inabilities, the degree of desire, the intensities are always in a state of flux, ebbing and flowing with the passage of time and the occurrence of events. Change happens, one way or another. What can be done, in the face of such inevitability, to resurrect and/or keep the magic alive? A lot, provided each partner compensates for transitions with alternative behaviors and techniques. Experimentation is the key that frequently solves and resolves. Which is why full relationship dating is a learning experience over a period of time, not a one-shot lottery. Many possibilities will surface before you can confidently pick and predict a successful outcome. Each encounter will hone your competence until one day you suddenly realize that you have discovered how to do everything right and achieve the outcome you desire. Talk each problem through, with yourself and/or with the other, then try something else. Sooner or later, adjusting to each batch of feedback, a compensating solution will be found. Experimentation should be thought of as a game that might produce tangible gains. Attitude and perspective are important. Might or might not work, but certainly worth the effort. Not everything will immediately produce the outcome sought. If there is an intimacy problem, the fallback position should not be abandonment but rather increased sensory stimulation in every way possible. Lots of hugging and kissing and touching go a long way towards overcoming physical obstacles. Romance includes more than the sexual aspect. Shared experiences, new and exciting ones, should become a constant. All that is necessary is that it be different or surprising and enjoyable for both. The nice thing about surprises and new experiences is that they give each something to look forward to before the event, foster romance when carried out, and add experiences that can be subsequently savored time and again, even mentally enhanced. Keep coming up with things to do impromptu style, in between the rituals. Remember that you cannot expect 100% success each time. If the results are not as anticipated, the chances are good that it will be laughed about later. When it comes to defining what love means, every individual views it differently. A movie and book, some years back, popularized one person's definition. 'Love Story', had one of the characters stating that love means never having to say you're sorry. Others might say that love means getting pleasure from giving pleasure. Or that love means not being selfish and taking the other's needs into account. Or letting each other do their thing by giving them space. Or that it means doing and sharing things together. Or that it means encouraging or supporting the other's efforts. Or that it means a passionate roll in the hay. Work out your own definition. Also, find out each time you start another encounter, by email at first and then by telephone or in person, the other's view on what constitutes love. The technique for eliciting that is detailed in another article. Home Page | Improve Any Relationship | Personal Improvement | Revive Being Alive | Relationship Manual | Core Lore Manual | |