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What You Are Looking For Will Not Come Quickly.
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There is a reason why so many dating consultants recommend that you subscribe to any given internet site for at least six months, and the reason is not just more profit. As a matter of fact, multiple month subscriptions, on most dating sites, offer a substantial discount over the per month charge. The thinking behind those recommendations is that it will help dispel the illusion, by newcomers to website dating, that you will luck out fast and find the match you seek the first time out. It does not usually work that way, for the same reason that a person cannot drive on a busy highway, absent any experience, the first time behind a wheel. It does not work, because there is a learning curve involved. Occasionally, someone lucks out. In most of those instances, though, instant love produces a chemistry that subsequently explodes. The novelty of newness, or, even worse, not knowing how to sort the responses and weed out the liars or cheats (yes, although they are in the minority), can taint any perspective. That is why it is so important to step into internet dating with eyes wide open. You must not harbor illusions that you will luck out early on, and find the happiness that is your due long before others graduate. There is an art to using internet dating sites that must be learned, although it will not be necessary to go through extended trial and error. You can access a wealth of good advice on how to write your resumes, how to put your best foot forward, and how to take the necessary precautions to prevent abuse. All the major sites contain helpful information. And there are some profound ideas and techniques on this site, in articles like the one you are reading now, based upon relationship psychology. All of which can shorten your lead time, but not to the point where you can run before you walk. You have to enter the fray with the mindset of multiple encounters over a period of time. Sure, some of the real good ones might get away in the early stages, while you are learning, but there is an ocean full of others who you will attract once you learn how to fish like a pro. One of the things you will learn, as you become adept at communicating by email and telephone and later on in person is the value of alternatives. It will prevent you from making the same mistakes over and over again. A basic tenet of the new relationship psychology states that the one with the most options almost always wins. Creating and applying alternative options can only become a modus operandi over a period of time. Like three to six months time. How do you make alternatives a part of your process?
You simply do not repeat actions or behavior that has not worked well. Instead, you take a problem or situation that has been bothering you or that you have not been able to solve and modify your response or change it completely. To repeat a basic axiom, the person with the most options, and the willingness to use them, almost always wins or reaches any set goal.
The one who repeats the same thing over and over again makes the same mistakes, over and over again, and almost always loses. Even if what you try does not work, you should not consider it a failure. There is no such thing as failure. There is only feedback, which can be analyzed and adjusted for. So put your encounters, one at a time, on the examining table and work out responses that are different than the ones you've previously resorted to. Or modify prior behavior by exhibiting it in different ways. You will be pleasantly surprised at the results. A much better course of action is to examine and reexamine the feedback you receive, then make appropriate adjustments based upon that information. Remember that doing something different or in a different way is all that it takes to get different, and usually better, results. Do not rely solely upon conscious deliberation to come up with your alternatives. You can always call upon your subconscious, which, in turn,
can tap into collective intelligence for new ideas and
solutions. When you are stymied, let problems simmer on your back
burner while you tackle other aspects of the relationship. Later, or after a day or two, a solution or other course of action will surface. Learn to listen to what your inner self tells you, and listen carefully, because the messages are not necessarily in everyday speech format. For a detailed explanation of this and other breakthrough techniques that can help you and your significant other bond more effectively, go to Improve Any Relationship About The Author: Home Page | Improve Any Relationship | Personal Improvement | Revive Being Alive | Relationship Manual | Core Lore Manual | |