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Overcome Inaction
You Can Overcome. Here Is One Way To Do That.
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Fear of standing before a group to give a speech has been shown to be one of the major fears. Little has been said, however, about the fear of private speaking -- all the inner turmoil that can tincture the communication abilities of both men and women. Sort of similar to the tensions that prevailed in yesteryear as the boys stood and looked, afraid to cross genderland and ask a girl to dance. Fear of rejection? Probably, particularly if there was a prior perceived failure. Convincing yourself that you are really holding back until the right one approaches or is approached. Today, although there a modicum of courage that stems from the anonymity of internet dating sites, there sooner or later has to be a meeting, face to face, or by telephone. And then, belatedly, the same fears can surface. It has been proven that focusing on a preliminary activity before segging into what you have been resisting doing can start your engine and keep it running until your natural enthusiasm and momentum take over. That is why the seven techniques in the Action Complex, which is part of the Core Lore System, are so effective. Whether it is breathing or alpha state suggestion or an internal anchor, or the two techniques explained below, there is usually a smooth transition to the action that has been previously resisted. 'Daction' stands for 'Directions Plus Action'. The basic premise is simple but very effective. All your life, you have been conditioned to following orders given by others. Your parents told you what to do. So did your teachers. And your boss when you were older. And the police. And the government. So why not mentally stand back and give yourself orders in step-by-step fashion which you immediately carry out?It will get you started and moving, and start your juices flowing? The key is to do it in incremental fashion. Vaction is another component of the Action Complex. It entails visualization as a precursor to starting a project, and it enables you to transition to a task painlessly. There are three types of visualization you can employ. They are called 1) Pre-play, 2) Role Play, and 3) Goal Play. Here is an overview of them. 1) Pre-play. This can provide a tremendous assist to those whose main mode is visual. It involves the internal picturing the next segmented action step you are about to take. Instead of giving yourself directions, like in Daction, you visualize the action an instant before. Why? For the same reason that you use directions in the Daction process. It focuses your attention on the task at hand and sweeps aside all extraneous thoughts, including the negative ones that have been making you hold back. It enables you to transition to movement without having to rely upon force or willpower. After the first few steps are completed, you will frequently find that the mechanical technique can be dispensed with because it has been supplanted by your natural drive. Can anything be simpler than a mind picture of the step you are about to take? It feeds upon itself. Desire to continue increases by leaps and bounds as you successfully breach the negative barriers you have constructed. And the more you put the idea into play, on the road to becoming an internet dating pro, the better your results will be and you will become so much less less reticent about sitting in front of your keyboard or picking up the telephone. 2) Role Play. This is really picture perfect mental practice. A complete mental script, with you as the star performer. You rehearse internally until you step into the story and become the lead actor. Mentally go through the entire experience. With a dress rehearsal before opening night. Afterwards, you bask in the euphoria of rave reviews from your internal critic. Use this type of visualization as a prelude to the action step. Unlike preplay, you rehearse in the entirety, completely into and associated with the performance. If you do this a few times, you will be surprised at how easy it becomes to replicate your success during the actual event. Note the emphasis upon association. You are part of it, as contrasted to dissociation, which means that you are distanced from the happening, just watching yourself in action. Mental rehearsal should always be rapid. It will be more effective that way. As quick as you can is the rule of thumb, since the brain learns that way. 3) Goal Play. Your internal guidance system is capable of making adjustments on the fly, corrections that respond to feedback as you implement your plan. Goal play takes advantage of these automatic corrections that are often made outside conscious volition. That is essentially it. You visualize the start and the finish. Everything in between is compensated for by your internal guidance system. How can these techniques help you achieve more rapid internet dating success? As indicated previously, it is necessary to go through a learning curve in order to become more proficient. Many newcomers flounder at the outset and turn off the other because they exhibit behavior, under the stress of a new experience, not designed to interest the other. That is why it is so important to spur yourself into action again and again, gaining valuable insight and working out new responses that increase your effectiveness. And why 'Daction' and 'Vaction', as odd as they might appear initially, can provide the wherewithal to master the nuances of communication and all the other protocols associated with dating encounters. This is not gender specific. Often, an air of bravado or condescending behavior mask the fears that coat initiative. Male or female, you must navigate the process of interactive banter and discovery in order to ensure that bonding, if that is what each wants, progresses in step by step fashion. Other articles in this series will show you how to find out what makes the other tick and what to say and do to move the relationship to a successful outcome. About The Author: Home Page | Improve Any Relationship | Personal Improvement | Revive Being Alive | Relationship Manual | Core Lore Manual | |