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Goal Setting and Getting As Part of the Process.
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There is always a tendency to put your best foot forward when creating your profile. We exaggerate our pros and play down any cons. That's human nature.
That does not mean that you have a license to defraud - to substitute someone else's picture or a photo of you that bears no resemblance to present day appearance. Or to lie through your teeth with respect to age or job or finances or any other vital bio fact. So a little shading here and there is okay and done every day. The chances are good that whoever you are communicating with is doing the same. Other articles tell you how to distinguish between lies and damn lies. There is a technique that you can employ that will let you put your best near term future forward while you go through the learning curve. It will help you emerge from the initially confusing internet dating world shining in newfound splendor, a definite improvement over the 'you' you started with. Anyone who has followed this suggestion has done very well after a short period of time. What is this magic that produces change for the better? The idea is to combine your profiling efforts with goal setting and getting by taking conscious control over the changes you want to see happen. The process is simple. Instead of filling out one profile for a particular site, you fill out two. The first is the one that details your present in slightly exaggerated fashion. That is the one you submit. The second is the one with changes you want to happen, the changes which will make you more of what you can be, more appealing to yourself and to the type of person you envision meeting. This is the one that becomes your target profile, to be submitted in amended form as each of the changes you want to take place manifests. What you have created, is a goal setting matrix that is a work in progress, and one that you can change repeatedly as you set your sights higher and higher. The only thing remaining is to take action on any of the changes you want to produce, then, after achieving that goal, go onto the next. For example, if you are a woman who wants to take off ten or fifteen pounds, start searching the diet offerings, select one that appeals to you, and follow the recommended regimen until you get results. Each success will motivate you to select another target goal. If you are a man who want to improve your conversational skills, focus on establishing rapport and eliciting information and strategies, as detailed in other articles in this series.
We have been endowed with an internal goal-striving mechanism that can greatly increase our chance of reaching any reasonable objective we set and take action on. The problem is that most people let it lie dormant, not realizing that focus on an objective followed by action will trigger it.
The second profile approach makes it easy to define, in writing, what to shoot for. It lays out your target objectives and enables you to attract the type of people you really want. As a result, as soon as you realize the effectiveness of this approach, you will start to enjoy the process as much as the favorable end result.
It is never really a question of whether you should have
goals. It is more a question of whether you yourself should set
them, or let others determine your direction. It is far better to steer
your own ship than to let someone else take the helm.
So what exactly is a goal?
It is something you want to happen, something you want to acquire, something you want to be, something you want to do, or something you want to change.
A goal is really a trilogy. It is inseparable from choice and it
is inseparable from change.
You consciously make hundreds of decisions
each day and you unconsciously make thousands of decisions
each hour, all of them designed to keep you alive. Every decision
made involves a voluntary or involuntary choice, which, in turn,
produces some change, internally and/or externally.
You choose your goals and then you choose how you will
pursue them or whether you will pursue them. You experience
change, examine the feedback, then you choose whether or not to
make adjustments.
The point is that goals are a fact of life, which means that
choices are always being made and that changes are always
occurring. Life without change is vegetation.
You either work to achieve your goals or your work helps to achieve someone else’s goals. Change is inevitable. Things will get better or worse, but either way, there will be change.
Selecting a significant goal from your 2nd profile and then moving forward until it is achieved activates the cybernetic system that all of us possess.
The system adjusts to feedback, which stems from action.
This involves belief in a positive outcome and faith in yourself. You have
to believe in every fiber of your being that you are in control and
that you can accomplish what you want. You have to work on your
self-image. You have to have faith in your ability to learn new
things and to do what is necessary.
Above all, even though your big desires need time to manifest, you have to expect it to happen. Not only do you have to act 'as if', but you have to believe and know and expect, inwardly, that what you want will indeed happen, even though it might not occur immediately.
The profile changes you seek will not come quickly. Any type of change needs a period of time to set in. Since every action, inner or outer,
produces a reaction or consequence, the feedback or result may not appear
immediately. Patience should be as much a part of the process as renewed
alternative effort.
The results you are after and the things you want manifested do not always come quickly. Patience, for some things to happen, should be as much a part of the process as renewed alternative effort.
Also, learn to rely on your intuition and inner self for help in achieving your objective. After as much conscious effort as you can muster, get in the habit of turning things over to your subconscious. Let them simmer on your back burner. Check periodically and also be alert for messages disguised as random thoughts.
When you do that,it is important that you put it out of your mind. Forget for a few hours or a few days. The solution will come, frequently dressed in a costume that is deceptive, but it will come.
Pay attention to your twilight zone thoughts. Just before drifting off or upon awakening or when lost in other activity, something will pop into your mind. You must train yourself to pay attention.
If you get into the habit of profiling the changes you want to happen, while going through the internet dating learning curve, then taking action on one at a time, you will find yourself morphing into a more effective person while developing expertise on your quest, over a period of time, for the type of partner you are entitled to. The techniques described above constitute just a small part of the
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